"Are you ready for another referral?"

There... it is said and it sits hard. "Yes." I hear myself saying..."we are ready to take it day by day. Yes, we are ready for another referral."

We have been home for 2 1/2 weeks from our Ethiopian trip where things went SO not as anticipated. We know now that there was lying, dishonesty and pure evil involved in the fabrication of little Y's story. That the man who committed perjury in all of this will be going away (hopefully) for a very long time. And that is enough. That he is in the right place with the right person- his mother. That is enough.

That does not take away the hole we feel in our hearts. The place that he had burrowed into in such a short time from afar and a week in our arms. Overwhelming my thoughts and emotions, becoming my 'son' for a brief time. But he is in his country, with his mother... he does not need us. And thank whatever higher power around us for that conclusion.

So... "Are you ready for another referral?" We are ready to take it day by day....and once again my cell phone holds a strange power over me.... for those words are coming soon and we will see if another little soul needs us as we search for him or her.

Though out of order I wanted to add this post in.. I wrote it and posted on the wrong blog.... yes I was clearly jet lagged. But since my blogging is not exactly consistent..figured I should keep them all in one place.. this was from July 29.

 Our first day in Ethiopia

We arrived in late last night after a long but smooth 24 hour travel day(s). Got to our hotel and attempted some sleep. We were not allowed to go to the Care Center today as it is Sunday. Our agency requests Sundays not be the first day we visit the center since the IAN in country staff who speaks English are not there. So.. knowing we had a day to be in Addis and not get to meet Y, we had plans to keep us busy. Our driver Ayele picked us up in the morning and we head out of the city. north/north west. We climbed around Mt Entoto through eucalyptus tree forests. Running down the side of the road are women and men with sticks chasing/herding donkeys who have what look to be bundles of wood on their backs. The other side of the mountain bring our eyes to miles and miles of beautiful green, lush fields and hills. What an amazingly gorgeous country it is here. This is not the Ethiopia that we in the rest of the world have historically seen on the news as we hear of drought and hunger consuming the country. Our driver tells us there are only small parts of the country where the weather is dry and harsh in this way. We drive on through a few towns along the way. Such a hard working population lives in the country side. The walking droves of people herding animals and carrying loads of sticks and bundles for sale. Children, men and women working in the fields and along the roads. It is Sunday so many are gathered in the towns talking, walking and lingering around the streets. 

After about 2 hours drive, we come to the gorge and the cloudy weather has sunk into the gorge where it is literally a wall of white. We head down into the gorge on a road with many pedestrians. Monks in their dress, women covered in scarves and people along the side of the roads. We pay birr to gain access into the monastery. A tour of the small museum there yields history of Ethiopia from chairs/thrones that Haile Salassie used to dozens of manuscripts, crosses and challis that have made their way here from history. Outside of the monastery there are women praying, with heads bowed to the ground. Men here for the holy waters and healing powers of the church and area. The history so rich here. We move into the monastery and witness the stained glass around the walls and up to the dome top. Services are ongoing here on Sundays although there is no service in the hour we are there touring the grounds. 

We make our way back up the road winding up to the brim and driving further along the gorge. We park a short way down a rough road to the Portuguese Bridge. Still the clouds cover the gorge and present an impossible wall of white barricading the view of the gorge. After paying a fee for the bridge we walk down a muddy, rocky path along the edge of the gorge. We pay again upon entrance and head towards the bridge. It is beautifully built over the muddy raging waters supposedly of ostrich egg shells and limestone. At the monastery however the monk told us that indeed these are not ostrich egg shells but chicken. Ostriches must constantly care for the egg they are to hatch- day and night by father and mother. This he says is like God who watches over us day and night. However, our guide down the path to the bridge goes out of his way to even pick up a piece from the ground that he claims is ostrich. We continue on the path and see up on the hill the baboons. A large male with red chest seems to be head of the pack, which includes babies on their mother's backs. We walk to the edge of the gorge and are given a piece of the cloud clearing to a view spectacular across the gorge. It then moves up as the clouds get heated and raise up the river showing us the three waterfalls that we have walked along. Baboons across the river up against the side find their home in a cave accessed through a crevass along the cliff. The clouds open up to give us these gifts of beauty as we see parts of this beautiful area. Still were never given the full view of the gorge. I can only imagine the immense beauty that must rest below those clouds. Another trip will have to reveal this. 

We drive back along the country road again witness the hard work of the people here. Oroyomo (need to check spelling) people here do not speak Amharic much according to our driver so are limited to communicate with the people of their towns a bit more than in Addis. 

Coming back around Entoto we get a view of the city, sun shining down onto the city areas. We return to the hotel after lunch at Island Breeze with Ayele. The clouds finally succumb to their weight and it has been pouring here for an hour or so with glimpses of a lighter sky only starting now to return. We are exhausted and my eyes closed for a bit...could no longer hold my lids open. 

The excitement and anticipation for tomorrow is almost overwhelming. At 8:30 tomorrow morning we will get a ride over to the IAN Care Center to meet our son for the first time. Hopefully this evening will bring some sleep before the sun rises on a very important day!

It is with a very heavy heart I write this. Today the most amazing
thing happened for little Y... he was reunited with his birth mom and
their family. The story is long and convoluted but in the end that is
what matters. He will live and grow up in his land, in Ethiopia, with
his birth mother giving him the love and caring he deserves. Of course
we know this is the best possible outcome for our little man but are
also heartbroken at the loss for ourselves since we have come to love
him so much as our son. Moving forward with belief that somewhere
along the line we had a hand in reuniting this family....

This was the email that was sent out to friends and family after a long and heart wrenching week in Ethiopia for our supposed court date for Yisak. I am somewhere between denial and anger.. mixed in with utter sadness. I know that we will find peace in this someday and that each day that will become easier. Aaron and I both just keep thinking that the phone will ring and we will be told that it was all a mistake. That we passed court and will be bringing Y home soon. Ugh the hole in our hearts is gaping at this point. My greatest wish in all of this is that he is well cared for from here on out. He did not get dealt the best cards for the first months of his life and it was evident in his frail body.. but that smile is a winning smile and babies are resilient. So we send strength to his birth mom and surrounding family to never lose sight of him again, to hold him and love him, care for him and stimulate him as he grows. May he thrive and fill that smile with experiences of joy and know that we will always love him in the deepest places in our hearts.

Been so long since I have posted. Ups and downs, waiting...and waiting...wondering and waiting some more. The wait that seemed so long is now unimportant, a short blip in our journey to bring home our third child....all melted away on Thursday, June 21st.

After 20 months (to the day) on the wait list we received that phone call we have been waiting for... On June 21st at 3:14 pm I heard the words, "I have a referral for you"... breathe, repeat, then scream with joy... that's pretty much how it happened at our house.

And then we 'met', via pictures and words on some documents, our son. The sweetest brown eyes looking back at me. Wow. YES!! YES!! YES!!
We hoped and wished to be submitted to court asap so as to POSSIBLY get a court date pre court-closure. Thought that it would take a miracle but not giving up hope to get that court date and be able to meet our little man soon.

Submitted to court on July 6th.... told by our coordinator on the 11th that it was unlikely we would get a court date before closure... next morning- July 12th... that awesome phone number flashed on my caller ID. Not wanting to get too excited I nonchalantly answered hello? AND YES!! Court date for July 31st... 2 weeks and 5 days away.

So now we hustle and bustle, pack and plan and generally 'get our acts together' to come meet you baby Y. Heart is spilling over with joy, anticipation and excitement.... and love...yes, LOVE. We are coming to see you sweet angel!

A Blog Worth Reading

Wow.. I was forwarded this blog and it is pretty amazing...tears in my eyes many, many times. Goes through what families adopting (in all phases) need/want from friends and family members. Insert whatever your higher power might be in the areas of God/Jesus and take what you can...
http://jenhatmaker.com/blog/2011/11/02/how-to-be-the-village

Still waiting

Never sent this post..... :) Just found it as I came back to post again. One from September...with just that title- that says it all.

And waiting for you little one..

Just wanting to write. We have been waiting over a year now for our little one to find us. The adoption world in ET has been up and down, fast and slow, completely halted, and moving again, full of despair and full of hope. I feel we are getting close to learning more about our third child... this month? Next month? Tomorrow? Such emotions fill me up when I think of answering that call...getting that referral. Our friends that we went through training with have received their referrals. One is still stuck in logistics and one just accepted. Such fun to think that soon it will be us. The next steps of waiting with such greater purpose, passion and love attached. With a picture, a name and a future with another baby to join our family. Can't wait till that call comes little angel. We are waiting for you.